I Am Sorry Dad

I am sorry Dad. I am sorry. I am sorry I have always just brought more and more problems into your life. I could not live up to what you wanted me to be. I do not let you live in peace. I just continue to give you more tension and things to worry about in your life.

The older I grow, the greyer your hairs get. But that does not stop me from troubling you, does it? I just continue to give you more problems. When I was a little kid, I gave you a lot of worries. Now, as an adult, I give you even more things to worry about. Just when you think that your life is finally getting settled and you can finally relax, I bring yet another crisis into your life that takes away your peace of mind.

Everyone around us thinks that I am the best child who always makes you proud. But nobody knows the real truth. Nobody knows about the trouble you have to go through because of me. Nobody knows about the number of times I have let you down.

But you? You are that real hero. You are the hero who just continues to patiently deal with everything I throw your way. You always smile at me. No matter how terrible of a news that I give you, you still smile at me. You are a really good actor actually – one who can perfectly hide all the tornadoes going on in his head. No matter how badly I screw up my life and destroy your expectations you barely criticize me.

Honestly, you do not have to deal with all the crap that I give you. You can yell at me, stop talking to me, beat me, punish me. You have all the right to do so. It is your right. But…you don’t do that. Why? Well, that answer is simple enough. You love me. A kind of love that I shall never understand. You love me way too much. I do not know how you can love me even though I just give you problems in life. But you do. That’s what I know for sure.

Dad, I am sorry once again – not for the problems I gave you, but the problems I will continue to throw your way. I do not want to hurt you. I really don’t. I hate seeing the worry in your face. I loathe myself when I hear your worried voice. What can I do, Dad? What can I do? You tell me. You always give me good life advice. How can I stop hurting you? I don’t think there is any way.

I am sorry. I can’t help it. I know I will give you problems tomorrow as well. I know I will throw more issues your way the next time I talk to you. But there is just one expectation I have from you. Please keep loving me. Keep talking to me. Stay with me. Be there for me. Always. Like you have been forever.

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